Gifting Culture

Over recent time I've been contemplating the issue of finances in my family and our need as a larger family to have more financial support.  In line with this thinking I've been interested in the idea of a gifting economy.  Damien first came across it as a way of living, and found this post particularly inspiring. 

I started to think about our kids busking - for the last 8 years this has become part of our routine as a family.  Our children gift their music, and they are given some money usually but also a variety of other things in exchange for their performing.  I loved the idea that at any time, if they choose that they could make some money.  Of course the thing with working in this manner is that they also may not make money :D However as far as everything averages out this has been a wonderful experience for our children, and has taught them a variety of lessons about money, performing and people.

So now I've come to the point where I've been contemplating how I can create a living out of our home education.  On the whole this is something I'm passionate about and love.  We are into our 11th year of home ed, and are likely to have at least another 11years to go.  So I invite you, if you enjoy my thoughts, and ideas, and activities, to offer a gift exchange if you feel that you have received something from my blog.  

Connectivity

Recently I came across this interesting article about Danish families on the topic of "Hygge"  and fascinatingly in the process of reading I realised that the Danish essentially practise something that we have come to create as our core family values; something that we now refer to as connectivity.

Over the years as we became a family and grew in size and moved about the world, we saw different ways of being a family and interacting as a family.  On the whole we came to view the Australian way of family life as rather negative-children constantly competing, boys against girls, men against women.  Somewhere along the way (I think this started in Glasgow, when Damien and I only had each other for support) we started discussing co-operating, working together, supporting each other.    As Willow and Gabriel got bigger we discussed their roles in supporting, how able they were to help, and how we appreciated their help.  Initially this was simple things such as housework, and figuring out how to get along together, and eventually it progressed into looking out for the smaller people in the family, and offering support to them.

Day in day out we focus on co-operation.  How as a unit of 6 do we get along?  How do we share our space and still be ourselves? How can I be me whilst still being part of the "we" of our family? "I" am important and "we" are important. What things are non-negotiable for our unit? We focus on acceptance, understanding, co-operation, support. We also focus on individuals feelings and needs in relation to the family.

We like to live at hope in a space of safeness, everybody has the right at home to be themselves and comfortable with themselves at all times without ridicule or judgement.  Our home is our haven, a place where we can nurture and support ourselves, where we can be in pain and be joyous without judgement but with the knowledge that anyone here can help, from the smallest to the tallest, even if that help is just a hug.  The smallest people can always help in caring ways, and sometimes that's just a pat on the head, and sometimes that's enough to help return a smile to a sad person.

As a continuation we have the right to be interested and involved in what appeals to us without fear; without the possibility of ridicule or insult.  We have a wide variety of interests in our home, and we always work towards acceptance and understanding towards peoples different desires, motivations and goals. 

When one lives in a competitive community and family it seems to me that it becomes dangerous to express one's inner self, inner beauty and interests, so we aim to avoid competing at home unless the children are emotionally able to cope with the competing.  Many board games here have been turned into co-operative games until various children have had the emotional skills to cope with losing the game.  When everyone works together to win or lose, there is no emotional distress associated with failure for the child, and it is much easier for them to cope with the game.  It is of course useful to discuss playing competitively and encourage children like this to see that it could be fun to compete, but introducing competition before the child is ready creates fear of failing and can be very unhelpful for certain personality types.

Australian culture is generally competitive so by keeping competition out of our home we create a haven where one can be oneself, and where the challenge is to improve oneself, rather than to create hollow comparisons that leave a child and young person feeling emotionally vulnerable and inclined to hide their true nature and personality.  Home needs to be the place where the child can reveal all of themselves, and be safe from judgement.

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2025 

As we have had children emerge into adulthood (at this time Willow is 25, moved out of home, Gabriel is 23,  Arden 17 and Irving, 12)  the outside culture has seeped in somewhat and adjusted how we do things.  We had times of being too busy, and some of us being unwell- me in particular, as I discovered just how deficient Perth soils were.  We have had some ups and downs in continuing to be true to this philosophy, but on the whole it has retained its place in our family focus and we always look back to resolution, and forgiveness, and problem solving  situations so that people can enjoy living in a family environment where they are understood and appreciated.

I realised too, that with Arden's enthusiasm for know everything!  I was allowing him to fill all the space that the older two had filled in my home education sort of schedule, and I was gradually realising that although, I got time to myself regularly each week, I was not getting it daily, in the same way, as when I only started out with two children.  I have had to coax myself out of the serving role, and to remind myself that now that I have only Irving to home educate and that he is 12 ( although I started this habit last year when he was still 11) that I can take more down time for me, and that I need to step back from my managerial role somewhat, and let Arden and Gabriel step into that role.

I've also picked up a book on Socratic Dialogue, to get us all back into the habit of that style of discussion.  It really is a very helpful method of having conversations within a family, particularly when people have different styles of talking.  It also seems to me, to be somewhat natural for young people to discuss in a more rhetorical style and this can lead to regular bickering and opinionated debates.  By moving into a Socratic Dialogue for those sorts of conversations it can solve a lot of problems.  Only recently I intervened in a conversation between Gabriel and Arden, where I reminded them that part of the process is to define terms, and to do this.  ( The defining terms enables people to understand if they are meaning and thinking about the same thing).  In this case it turned out that they had different definitions of a word, and that that was part of the reason the conversation had become complicated!

This is the book that we are using.
https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B09M7BQS2N?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_fed_asin_title